Lighten up a minute

[ Gail S. Angel , published by the Groaners email list Groaners@mail.otherwhen.com ]

Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Let it be noted that in our house, the cats do not show irritation; they lick their elbows and act as if nothing had happened. I think they learned this trick from watching old newsreels of Queen Elizabeth II, a very dignified Person.

What it takes

I t was a warm morning for late November. When she let out the cats around six, a heavy mist hung in the air and shortened visibility. Maybe that is why she did not at first see the man lying under the shrubbery at the side of the driveway.

When she opened the door again an hour later the street lamps had gone out and the sky had changed to a light gray. There under the shrubs was a dark form. What she could see looked like legs in black, or dark, pants. The gray cat slipped past her like a shadow inside. She did not want to look more closely at the dark form, so she quickly closed the door and locked it.

The third time this week, she thought. They've really gone too far. Arrests, holding people without charge or bond -- that was one thing, probably necessary to stem the evil terrorists. But simply to kill them and leave them lying there as a warning! She felt a deep fear within as she realized they would stop at nothing and nothing, it seemed, would stop them.

As she mused, she heard a soft cry, a child's moan, from the shrubbery area. Pamela turned her head sharply in that direction, and looking intently, discerned that a second small form lay next to the larger one.

Good heavens! a child! She hurried over and bent down. It was the child she had seen playing on the wall across the street during the summer, a well-behaved child who did not stray far from home. He had a dark mop of hair hanging into his blood-stained face. His eyes opened as she looked down, then rose up in the eye sockets as he seemed to pass out. His arms were bent at odd angles, broken she feared.

She hurried inside and called an ambulance. The switchboard operator sounded doubtful. Pressed, he agreed to send an ambulance "when he could."

Pamela walked back outside and looked around. The street was empty. She crossed the street, went up the steps to the white house and knocked on the door. There was quiet inside, then muffled talking. She knocked again, more insistently.

Finally the door opened slightly and a boy of about 16 in jeans and a cowboy shirt looked around at her. Pamela asked for his mother. He turned and called to the dim interior Mahmi! Mahmi!

Eventually a woman wearing a white headscarf over her hair came to the door and looked anxiously at Pamela, who mustered a smile she hoped was reassuring.
Please. Come with me. The child is hurt... Your husband... I dont know.

A look of fear came over her, and she called something over her shoulder and slipped out onto the porch. They crossed the street together, and when thewoman saw the man and little boy under the shrubs she began to wail. Hearing her, two men and the 16-year-old came running across the street, looked, and immediately picked up the man and carried him back to the white house. They returned with a home-made stretcher, onto which they carefully lifted the child, and took him, too, across the street. The woman murmured Thanks, thanks and hurried home.

Pamela pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes before slipping inside and locking her door against the damp drizzle now falling.

The street was deserted again.

Susan, again

Susan was wearing slacks and a fleece pullover this day. I had seen her previously only in the navy suit, sitting silently. After the meeting, she walked over to me.
"I haven't seen you here before," she said, smiling.
I thought, of course you havent seen me, you sit there with your eyes closed!
But I smiled and told her my name and that I had been there twice before and the fact that I had responded to an email invitation from one of the other women. I told her a little about my doings and what my interest was. I guess that satisfied her, for she then told me there was coffee or tea being offered in the other room, and we began to walk that way. She was waylaid by another member, so I headed toward the coffee and tea myself.
Generally I liked these people. They seemed gentle and kind.

Notable quotes

Quotes from various times and places. Authors of these pages have good taste!
1. djharter
As the businessman said to the geisha: "I have a yen for you." (Pam Shorey)

2. Marty's Jokes
"I donated some new furniture to the Salvation Army," Tom said chairtabley. (John Warren Hines and Pam Shorey)

3. PUNY
The Herb Grower: “How do I love thee? ‘til the end of thyme.” (Pam Shorey)

4. The Christian Search Network
There's an exhibit of Spanish surrealism in Hartford, CT now. We thought of opening a sandwich shop in its honor: the Salvador Deli (Pam Shorey)

5. Marty's jokes
When I feel blue, I like to read Shakespeare - especially "Azure Like It" (Pam Shorey)

6. djharter
One dentist was also a chicken farmer, and misunderstood completely when a guy ran in and yelled, "Doc, you gotta pullet!" (Pam Shorey)

** Let it be noted that these were initially submitted to the news group alt.humor.puns and are copyrighted © Pam Shorey 1996-2001.

Diesel Sweeties

This cartoon from R. Stevens is about the machine that (who?) wants to be a real boy, sort of a Pinnochio for the computer age. It contains a lot of funny topical commentary plus some typical boy-girl humor. I found it quite inventive. The cartoonist is Canadian, I believe.

I've been having strange dreams lately, dreams of violence and pain. My niece sent me an email telling me she had been having nightmares. I told a firend about that and she said she'd been having nightmares too. Is that what happens when they terrorize you and insist that you "go about your business"?

Susan

Susan sat with her feet together and her hands folded. She wore a long navy skirt, patterned blouse and a navy jacket. Her eyes were closed, or nearly closed. She wore a peaceful but attentive expression on her face. She hardly moved for 45 minutes.

Nothing happened.

p. sergio serrato - patiently waiting to take over the world. (he thinks aloud) In between the Lunch and my Pilgrimage to the Business District, I found California’s oldest Cathedral, its first Cathedral. I took my camera, and so I felt I had a good reason to go in. I entered the dark warmth, and realized it was so comforting....
-
I bowed my head to mediate in the way Pema Chogron advises...

Pablo Serrato dot net, San Francisco There are some lovely church images on this web site. Icons, candles, saints. Religious people do not usually take photographs in church, I believe it is considered irreverent. These photos thus have a curiously ambivalent feel, part reverence, part atheism.

A religious space is a spiritual space for anyone, I think. Sunday I plan to go to a Quaker meeting and test this theory. I have been wanting to sit in a church, but not be hassled with questons or invitations to join this or that.